You Can Effectively Lead the Most Difficult Personality Types at Work — Here’s How

By Tina Kuhn, Instructor of the ProThink Learning online course Strategies for Effective Business Communication

Everything in life is about communication and relationships, and management is no exception. As a leader, you must be able to communicate effectively to different types of people. Knowing how to motivate your team members by utilizing their strengths will help you create a high-functioning team and meet organizational goals.

Remember that each instance of communication, regardless of the form used, has three elements: the situation, the relationship between the parties, and the personalities of the people involved. Situations can be formal or informal, anything from a gathering with coworkers after working hours to a one-on-one presentation given to a prospective client. The parties communicating may be employees at the same level in an organization, a supervisor and a subordinate, a customer and a vendor, or any combination. Each individual has certain personality attributes that lend themselves to particular formats and styles of communication, and as a manager, it’s up to you to know which to use, with whom, and when.

Confronting Detrimental Behaviors and Changing Destructive Habits

For insight into how to effectively manage various personalities, we identified 10 “difficult” personalities that we often find in employees and peers. Here is how to identify these personality types and effectively communicate with them.

Manipulators

Manipulation can show up in many different ways in the workplace, creating a toxic environment. Manipulators often —

· bully, exploit, and control others,

· create chaotic emotional situations, and

· react to the fear that they are not enough or are incompetent.

It is critical to find a way to take away some of their control in a positive way. You can do this by —

· asking probing questions that point out they are only looking at the picture from one side (for example: Can you help me understand how this benefits the program?),

· remaining firm,

· calling their bluffs gently,

· calmly exposing the fallacies in their statements,

· · using a direct, no-nonsense approach, and

· revealing their deceptions.

The Manipulator has achieved their goal if you get flustered or rattled. Don’t become their victim. We are manipulated because we allow it, and refusing to be manipulated is the first step.

Gossipers

Gossip is rampant in most workplaces. You can spot a Gossiper because they tend to —

· speculate about everything,

· disrupt the workplace,

· cause morale issues, and

· hurt other employees by spreading rumors.

To effectively lead with the Gossiper, be sure to —

· approach them nonconfrontationally,

· make it clear you believe the gossip is harmful, and

· act as a coach.

Remember that the Gossiper is engaged in bad behavior but is not a bad person. To bring out the best in them, see the gossip as just a habit that the Gossiper needs to break.

Naysayers

Typical Naysayer behaviors include —

· saying why things cannot or should not be done,

· questioning decisions,

· having strong opinions, and

· focusing on the flaws of a situation.

Remember that Naysayers want to feel heard. If you ignore them, they tend to become louder and more disruptive. For this reason, the Naysayer can come across blustery and strong, but they can actually be very sensitive and have a deep need to be right.

When talking to a Naysayer —

· keep the discussion on the facts and stay away from your opinions,

· listen to their view of the facts,

· try to use words that do not convey emotions or judgments,

· provide a safe space for them to discuss their opinions, and

· give them face-saving opportunities to change their minds without feeling any outside judgment.

Many times, Naysayers have good ideas. It is their approach and method of voicing their ideas that is disruptive.

Controllers

Controllers want things done the “right way” . . . which is, of course, their way. A Controller and a non-Controller may seek the same outcome, but the Controller makes the job harder by specifying how others should behave. Typically, you’ll see that Controllers —

· are motivated by power and exercising influence over others,

· don’t delegate well or only delegate small, specific tasks,

· insist they know what is best for people, and

· see things as black and white.

While Controllers are goal-oriented and typically work hard, they can hurt morale and creativity with some of their rigid, domineering behaviors. To bring out the best in a Controller, approach them by —

· providing details to help lower their anxiety levels,

· responding without emotion and without taking their controlling behaviors personally,

· making a point to give praise and recognize their contributions to the workplace,

· putting things in writing to set clear expectations,

· standing up to them without being confrontational, and finally,

· staying calm.

To keep a Controller working at their best, keep them focused on their own achievements — it is important to thank them. By doing this, you will build trust with a Controller, and their lowered stress levels will allow them to do the thorough and high-quality work that they are capable of.

Perfectionists

A Controller and a Perfectionist can seem similar in their behaviors, but their motivations are very different. A Controller has a need to exert external power over others. Perfectionists have an internal vision of an ideal.

Perfectionist are people that —

· are goal-oriented,

· expect perfection in themselves and others,

· are driven by their fear of failure,

· conceal mistakes because of fear of judgment,

· take on too much work,

· wants to think for others,

· are easily frustrated about perceptions of equity, fairness, and order,

· redo work (their work and others’),

· provide too much information, and

· need recognition.

To keep a Perfectionist working at the optimum level, make sure to —

· compliment them on their organizational skills and accomplishments,

· keep focused on the schedule, and

· express appreciation for their contributions.

Having a Perfectionist on your team is great because they are willing to take on anything you request and do it very well. When they are led effectively, they prove to be an asset to any team.

Yes-Men

Yes-Men disempower themselves by not taking responsibility for decision-making, and they may even use subtle manipulation to avoid becoming the objects of criticism. You can spot a Yes-Man because they —

· always try to please the people around them,

· usually do what is asked (or what they assume is asked) without question,

· avoid conflict and become stressed when disharmony occurs,

· are motivated primarily to keep the peace,

· are nurturing, and

· easily acknowledge their feelings.

To effectively lead the Yes-Man, make sure to —

· provide a trusted, safe place to discuss difficult issues,

· don’t blame them for bringing up problems, and

· lead them warmly and gently up to the point of the conversation.

The Yes-Man is an eager and willing worker on their best day, and you can empower them to succeed at work by using a communication style that accommodates them.

Drama Queens

There is a Drama Queen in every team. This person —

· thrives on attention,

· spins small issues into disasters,

· takes minor conflicts as personal affronts and plays the victim,

· will blame others for mistakes,

· has dramatic mood shifts, and

· overshares.

When talking to the Drama Queen —

· keep the discussion to facts,

· don’t get sucked into the drama,

· ask them to summarize what happened in one sentence,

· repeat back the facts, removing all emotion, and

· ask what they can do about the issue and simply listen.

A Drama Queen’s behavior can adversely affect a team, but as with all things, it takes two to tango. It’s important to understand how you are invested in and encourage the drama. Do you give the Drama Queen attention when there are workplace theatrics? Do you like the energy that comes with their stories? Own up to your part in keeping the drama going, and communicate as objectively as you can with them so that you can both show up at your best and benefit your whole team.

Recluse

Recluses are the unsung heroes of any creative space. The Recluse —

· is reflective and imaginative,

· typically does not do well implementing their ideas so leaves administrative and decision-making tasks to others,

· becomes overwhelmed and has difficulty prioritizing multiple assignments,

· needs time alone to think and process and avoids large groups of people,

· is not motivated by schedules and time constraints, and

· withdraws when communication involves anger, threats, or attacks.

When talking to a Recluse make sure —

· that the conversation is nonthreatening,

· to permit the Recluse to reflect and think, and

· to know in advance that detailed administrative tasks will not get done.

If you work with a Recluse, recognize their need to be alone and to think about solutions. When their needs are met, Recluses will have ample creative energy to come up with innovative and revolutionary ideas that will propel your team and business forward.

Whiners

Whiners are all too easy to find: they’re the people who moan, complain, grumble, and blame others for all their difficulties. The Whiner in the workplace —

· drains their peers of emotional energy, making everyone less productive,

· drags down an organization because their negativity can be “catching,” and

· looks at what is wrong instead of what is going right.

Many times, Whiners don’t see how their behavior impacts the organization. When talking to the Whiner —

· ask them to help you develop a solution,

· empower them to help fix the issues and to be invested in changes, and

· keep the conversation positive and lively.

A Whiner’s greatest weakness is also their greatest strength: They can identify real issues in an organization that may be slowing your team down. By guiding their negative energy, you can help them to moderate that skill to serve everyone.

Liars

Liars lie for a variety of reasons:

· to build up their own image, competencies, and likeability

· to cover up or justify an action,

· to spare people’s feelings,

· to manipulate or demean others,

· to prevent a conflict or negative reaction to a situation, and

· to avoid consequences of their actions.

Adept Liars can be believable and typically appear trustworthy. When talking to a Liar —

· pay close attention to the details of what they are saying,

· repeat their statements so they know you are paying attention, and

· follow up with an email documenting every detail of the conversation.

Try to understand what motivates the Liar so you can work on solving the underlying problem. Be careful about jumping to conclusions as to who is telling the truth and who is not. By giving your employees the benefit of the doubt and simultaneously leaving no room for mistruths, your employees will do their best because they’ll feel trusted by you, and you will be able to trust them.

Communication Is the Key to Success in Every Workplace

Never forget that just as the people you work with have their own personality styles and ways of sending and receiving communication, you do too. Knowing how you react in certain situations will enable you to anticipate and adapt both your communication and leadership styles for maximum positive effect.

Remember that everything you will ever accomplish in your life is made possible by the efforts of other people. To be a world-class leader, your ability to motivate, inspire, and, above all, communicate effectively with other people will determine how successful you are able to become.

The top performers are those who are able to get the most out of every member of their teams. And to do that, you’ve got to be able to communicate. Wherever you go and whatever you do, remember: It all starts with good communication.